Suffer the children


The sweet souls of our children are at risk of contamination by degenerates with an agenda that’s infiltrated our nation’s school systems. Nope. It’s not the gays. It’s worse.

The Washington Post revealed the underhanded, barely transparent machinations of the Christian Educators Association International, a group that describes public schools as “the largest single mission field in America.” The organization trains teachers how to be open about their faith (supposedly playing nonchalant while literally keeping a bible on their desks) and still stay within the law that prohibits proselytizing in school. Some educators, like California math teacher Harlan Elrich, are glad of the association’s help in determining what’s in and what’s out. He loves playing Christian music in his classroom before/after school or even during tests “if students request it.” (What we really need is a law against the saccharine composition and schlock lyrics of Christian rock.)

The association, which boasts over 6,000 members, holds “Daniel weekends,” where teachers, who are handpicked by alumni of the seminars, come together in faith to learn how to brainwash educate their students in a fanatical Christian manner and sidestep act within the law. (For the morbidly curious, these training sessions are named after Daniel, the biblical prophet flung into a den of lions and rescued by god. Apparently, today’s Christian teachers feel the same when submitted to the bloody claws and fangs of elementary school librarians and high school art teachers.)

Incredibly, the group’s leader, Finn Laursen, told the Post, “We’re not talking about proselytizing. That would be illegal. But we’re saying you can do a lot of things…It’s a mission field that you fish in differently.”

All aboard the doublespeak express!

The Scourge would be much happier if people like this just copped to what’s actually going on. They want to convert people make more Christians. They want to lead that sinful Carol Ann back to the light, and since they know that’s actually illegal in a public school setting, they mask it with assorted bullshit about giving teachers the chance to express themselves as people of faith. The organization’s own materials, riddled with references to the great fishing pond that is the American educational system (get ’em while they’re fresh!), point to their real agenda which is to convert children into simpering, googly-eyed evangelicals.

Schools were a hot topic this week, as seen in a New York Times article about Mary Lou Bruner, a 68-year-old former kindergarten teacher running for a seat on the Texas school board. Bruner has garnered media attention all the way to the U.K. for her comments about Obama being a gay prostitute during his years in New York. He did it to pay for his drugs (because, you know, all black people are on drugs). Anyway, Bruner is also a vehement creationist, going so far as to say that dinosaurs and humans once walked the earth together and that “evolution is a religious philosophy with propaganda supporting the religion of Atheism.”

A. Um, atheism is not a religion.

B. This lady won the Republican primary.

C. Note to self: don’t live in Texas.

Should Bruner win, she’ll sit on a body that will determine curricula and textbooks for a 31-county swath of northeastern Texas. A woman who thinks that baby dinosaurs were on board Noah’s Ark (Christ, where to start with that one?) could have a say about the education of children.

People like Bruner and Laursen are right: this country is in the toilet. But some of the biggest shit floating around the national bowl has come from the ulcerated assholes of loud-mouthed dolts who declare Jesus as their personal lord and savior.

And here’s where you come in, dear reader. It’s high time for us liberals to stop reading Proust, flitting around farmer’s markets, checking the year on our wine bottles and go vote in all those seemingly inconsequential elections. Look up who is running for school board in your district and vote accordingly, because conservatives, riled to action by their rage, are out in droves. So if you don’t want the nation’s youth to be a bunch of bible-toting flat-earthers, get up off your ass and go to the polls.

Until next Sunday…the heretic’s day.

In other news of the faithful:

Hallelujah! Missouri has stood up for discrimination in the name of religion!

Christians look to alternative faith-based groups to help pay for medical insurance. While said groups don’t guarantee to cover all expenses, members are advised to trust God’s infinite mercy in making up the balance. Fine print: preexisting conditions and treatment needed because of STDs will be denied (sadly, that’s not just a bitchy joke).

A public service announcement: don’t let the shadow of a widow cross you. It could fuck you up. Or so say people in India who view marriage as the sacred epitome of a woman’s life.

When you’re a man accused of a crime who lives in a fanatic Muslim culture, what do you do? Blame a woman, of course! And when that woman is killed by a mob, some of whom get dragged to court, what does said court do to the men? Reduce the muderers’ sentences, of course!

In a twist of logic that only the religiously deranged could understand, ISIS members are handing out birth control willy-nilly so that they can rape women repeatedly without incurring the wrath of Allah.

And just because it’s too juicy to ignore, here’s some more of Bruner’s crazy-ass Facebook posts that garnered her international headlines. Kudos to her for adding Q to the LGBT acronym – very progressive, Mary Lou!

(The above photo is by Jay Janner via the AP.)


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