Dr. Chaps (and Ted Cruz) shows his ass


Donald Trump seems to be imploding, and while the wagons are circling around the Republicans’ unlikely champion, the Christian zealot Ted Cruz, let’s do some background checks on his venomous supporters.

Gordon Klingenschmitt. A bit character in Springtime for Hitler?

If only.

Klingenschmitt, who also goes by “Dr. Chaps,” which sounds suspiciously like a gay leather porn title, was named part of Ted Cruz’s Colorado Leadership Team before the Cuban-when-convenient candidate cleaned up in the Rocky Mountain State. Dr. Chaps is the host of a daily Internet TV “news” program titled “Pray in Jesus Name” [sic]. (You know what the Scourge prays for, Gordon? That any of you bible-thumping crackers take a fucking grammar and punctuation class.)

Klingenschmitt is virulently homo- and transphobic, going so far as to say that there’s a “culture of rape” among trans people who intend to violate America’s daughters. Once a Navy chaplain, who, according to his website, brought 45 soldiers to the faith, “including an atheist, a homosexual and a wiccan,” he apparently was in a unique position to comment upon gays in the military. (I bet he was.) He claimed that gay soldiers cannot do their military duties because of “taking breaks on the combat field to change diapers, all because their treacherous sin causes them to lose control of their bowels.” (Not to be graphic but the Scourge has been taking it like a champ for over 20 years – no Pampers necessary and still tight as a drum.)

Just to show that Klingenschmitt’s kookery isn’t only reserved for the LGBT crowd, he’s also said that Presient Obama is ruled by a demonic spirit and that a Colorado woman who had her unborn child carved from her womb in a horrific attack was an example of God’s curse on a nation that legalizes abortion.

Oh, and did we mention he’s an elected state senator in Colorado?

Also in Cruz’s stable is Linda Harvey, the founder of Mission: America, a ministry dedicated to saving the U.S. from the abyss. Much of Harvey’s vitriol is reserved for LGBT people, including a recent post about the Day of Silence, an annual observation of silence held by students hoping to draw attention to anti-LGBT bullying issues.

Harvey writes: “The ‘Day of Silence’ is a stunning example of the widespread indoctrination of youth culture, with trashy, deviant behavior masquerading as acceptable conduct…Satan is laughing as he messes with the minds and bodies of our dear children.”

Next up is Mike Bickle, founder of the International House of Prayer (no pancakes at this IHOP) who said that god gave the Jews a chance to return to the fold when he sent “the fisherman.” “‘The Lord says, ‘I’m going to give all 20 million of [the Jews] the chance to respond to the fisherman. And I give them grace.’ And he says, ‘If they don’t respond to grace, I’m going to raise up the hunters.’ And the most famous hunter in recent history is a man named Adolf Hitler.”

Upon receiving Bickle’s endorsement, Cruz waxed rhapsodic.

“[My wife] and I are grateful to have his prayers and support. With the support of Mike and many other people of faith, we will fight the good fight, finish the course, and keep the faith.”

According to Bickle, the end is nigh and the “harlot movement,” a precursor to the antichrist’s appearance, is well underway with its own votaries leading a devilish charge. And one of those harbingers, one of those demonic ensigns from the infernal pit is none other than…

wait for it…


Cruz has greeted all these endorsements with open arms, as well as those given to him by Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush, but while the Republicans are doing all in their power to derail Donald Trump’s mad dash for Pennsylvania Avenue, they’re throwing themselves on the not-so-tender mercies of a man who gluttonously collects evangelicals for a proposed theocratic government whereby women, lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people and, apparently given his endorsers’ beliefs, Jews and African-Americans would be on the Christian shit-list where they’ve always been.

(If you’re scratching your head about how black Americans, so noted for their Christian devotion, have run afoul of other Christian adherents, look to the 1983 Supreme Court Case wherein Bob Jones University went to the Supreme Court claiming their right to ban interracial dating among black and white students because of their religious convictions. Then there’s the entire history of segregation, slavery and the mark of Cain, also seen as part of god’s plan for those of African descent. Interesting that whites converted Africans to a religion whereby the oppressed turn the other cheek and wait for things to perk up in the next life – how economically expedient.)

During this presidential season, let’s not forget that religion is not a spiritual practice but a political hierarchy, whereby alphas suppress the omegas in order to maintain a position of privilege. Blacks, Jews, Women, Queers – it doesn’t matter which one you are. It only matters that you’re not one of the righteous, and they’ll do whatever is necessary, from legal maneuvering to backroom deals and even imprisonment to keep you in your place – on your knees.

Until next Sunday…the heretic’s day.

In other news of the faithful:

An Indiana cop was fired for proselytizing to people after pulling them over for traffic violations. “Do you know why you were pulled over today, m’am?” “I was speeding?” “Speeding straight to hell!”

Ex-Scientologists purchased a billboard to contact their adult children still immersed in the cult, er, religion, um, fuck it, same thing. The Scientologists released a statement that the couple’s actions are promoting “anti-religious hate and bigotry.” When do these people fly away to their other planets?

Former Speaker of the House, Republican Dennis Hastert’s legal woes continue when one of the prime witnesses claiming he was sexually abused by the congressman takes the stand this month. Hastert might be a born-again Christian, but after this he’s going to be dead in the water.

Women in Sierra Leone are dying from home abortions because of backwards laws influenced by backwards religious beliefs (I know, I know, that’s redundant).

Finally, stuck on a trip to North Carolina which has fast backslid into the 1950s? Go out and get a beer to drown your sorrows! The “Don’t Be Mean” beer is being created by local brewers who are disgusted with the legislature’s anti-LGBT measures. They said the taste will be “bright, crisp, grainy and fruity.” Sounds like a Grindr profile. Bottoms up!

(Above is a photo of “Dr. Chaps” himself – he just screams straight, right?)







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